My Gripe with Homeschoolers

Learning for me


It’s funny being on both sides of the coin. I think I can envision what bi-racial people feel like caught between two distinctly different groups of people; except I’m in a group all by myself most of the time. As a former public school teacher of 20+ years who attended Catholic school all her life and sent her kids to private school prior to homeschooling, I’ve seen most of the education world and it’s a mass of bureaucracy…..with most of it totally missing the point of learning.


 I like the idea of school. Scratch that.
I like the idea of learning with others. 


At the age of 10, I knew I was going to be a teacher. I mean, c’mon, Spelling bees with chocolate bars as prizes (yes, I won most of them that year), making forts in the classroom to visit when our work was complete, playing on the playground with my friends, and that cool paper mache’ dinosaur we made together in class (that I won and got to take home). I ws really interested in dinosaurs, excelled in Spelling, loved building things, and had some great friends. Yep! That’s what school is all about. That was my 4th grade experience; or at least mostly all I remember about it. I know, sounds idyllic; doesn’t it? That was my dream. I just had to get through the next 12 years to reach for it in my own classroom.


Boy was I in for a shock.


After years of fighting the system, trying to reform the system, blending in with the system, only to realize that I was becoming one of them…ugh…it was heartbreaking. There were good years where I was pretty much left alone to my own devices and by the time I was starting to get the hang of real learning, testing mandates galore were ushered in and held over us in the form of weekly (if not daily) threats. My principal at the time tried to alleviate our concerns and give us freedom to teach, but he could only do so much. The stripping of curiosity, awe, excitement, and interest was on its way out.

Leaving education was like leaving my child. Sounds a bit melodramatic I know, but learning was my baby long before I ever had a child. I walked out depleted, lost, and wondering what was left in life.

Though I left fully prepared to take a year or so off and ease back into a school that fit my need for autonomy and creativity, it didn’t happen.


Homeschooling was my savior.


My son and I keep pretty much to ourselves (yes, the classic unsocialized bunch that we are), but we like it that way. We like being able to go and do what we want pretty much when we want. The freedom side of our life is unbelievable! The real payoff is that we’re learning on our own terms.

My years in a classroom were a foundation for how organized learning happens, but I’m living the education dream with my own child. He’s not the type of kid you can hand a worksheet to who will happily color within the lines. He’s the rebel side of his mom and yes, it’s challenging; but oh, so fulfilling! We’re still figuring things out, but isn’t everybody? Every once in awhile, I get nervous when he “colors outside the lines”, but most of the time if I take a moment to chill out, I see how much real learning is happening. Learning isn’t about book work. It’s about finding meaning in everything you do.


That’s one of the gripes I have about homeschoolers. As a beginning teacher, I stuck to the book, the worksheets, and the lesson plans. I didn’t know what to do and how to get started. But, textbooks take too long, are uninteresting, long-winded, and don’t approach learning from the perception of a child. Worksheets, well, uh… I really have to explain? Lesson plans are great to get you focused on a goal, but if you’re not prepared to deviate, scrap those too. You’ll get more done that way.

After several years, all of these “teacher tools” became more and more rare in my classroom. I knew where the misconceptions were since I’d seen them over and over and I had ways to cut them off before they happened or found ways to work around them or nix them from the learning. Unfortunately, I see many homeschooling families follow the same pattern with one additional caveat- by the time they figure out they don’t need a boxed curriculum, their kids will be grown. As a homeschooling family, you have so many resources available to you on your own timetable with very few limitations; take advantage of those. Put the boring curriculum back on the shelf. Opt for games, field trips, biographies, science videos, and uniqueness instead.


That’s where I’ve got an edge. I’ve lived both sides and learned. 


Another gripe about homeschoolers is that many lack the certainty that they’re doing a good job. I think most of it stems from lack of experience in teaching. I know I felt the same way as a beginning teacher. The big difference was that I had more and more kids every year to experiment with and refine my skills. While most homeschoolers are fairly confident that they know their own children better than any school system does (which should be true for all families), they simply don’t have the confidence through experience. Unless you’re doing the homeschooling thing with 6 or more kids over the span of several years, your skills will be similar to a younger teacher; you know kids but lack the nuances of learning.

That being said, you can certainly do a good job teaching your child as a homeschooler (or as I prefer, guiding your child into learning). It’s more about getting to know your own child and his approaches to learning than anything else. The content will come easier as you know what works (and what doesn’t) with your child. It’s a constant revision process with learning and it goes hand-in-hand with those parenting skills. The one advantage classroom teachers have throughout it all is experience; not the piece of paper. Teachers get to know different kinds of kids and which approaches work with those kinds of kids. I’ve taught literally thousands of kids and I’ve learned so much about learning from them, but knowing my own child and helping him discover the learning around him is even more fulfilling than I could ever have imagined. I guess that’s why so many teachers who leave the system are choosing to homeschool themselves!


Choosing sides has to be my biggest gripe with homeschoolers. Why does it have to be us against them? The learning is the most important issue; not where, when, or how. I know some teachers look down on homeschoolers too; as unprepared and incompetent (mostly young teachers from my experience). Teaching looks so easy that many homeschoolers wonder why there are problems in schools. Mostly, it’s not the teachers; it’s more often the bureaucracy that creates the learning issues, social issues, and stress issues. – it’s the system that they’re forced to mold to. Those moments of quiet talks with a child, classroom talks about friendship, and days where lessons need to be extended or reworked don’t happen because everything at school is a constant push. Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, you don’t really know the whole story. I’ve seen both sides. I’ve witnessed fantastic classrooms and fantastic homeschooling, but I’ve also seen the sad side of both. The good news is that both sides work at times and both are comprised of people who are dedicating their lives for the education of children.


Here’s the rub. I don’t think either approach is poor in conceptualization. They both have great ideas! School systems have too much oversight, bureaucracy, and accountability. They don’t embrace the individuality, freedom, curiosity, and awe of learning. They can’t. There’s a test coming up and the clock is ticking. On the other hand, the camaraderie, resources, and group discussions can be extremely valuable.

Homeschoolers get that life happens. Some days are fantastically productive (even more so than in a classroom), but some days no book learning is going to happen (just like schools though they won’t admit it). Where many homeschoolers fall short is that they try to mimic traditional schools. They sometimes forget the individuality, freedom, curiosity, and awe because the curriculum they bought doesn’t include it. How could it? It doesn’t know the uniqueness of your child.

Both schools and homeschoolers sometimes forget that learning time management, perseverance, handling frustrations and successes, asking questions, making decisions, analyzing evidence, thinking deeply about problems, planning, and exploration are both life and academic skills that tend to get lost along the way. Those days when there’s little academic learning are usually opportunities for life skills. Don’t discount those. They make us who we are even more than the academics. Treasure those moments.


Homeschoolers: Stop acting like school at home!


Schools are headed for implosion. I see it coming in the next 10 years unless new concepts in schooling overtake the mainstream. Teachers and students are miserable and mandates are forcing out teachers while students are stuck. Homeschooling is growing, but if homeschooling is going to be schooling at home, is it worth the investment? So many people start out homeschooling and don’t receive the support they need to be successful and end up sending their kids back to the school they left in defeat. That’s depressing. Homeschoolers have an opportunity that so many are squelching. Appreciate that opportunity. Embrace it.

Trust your instincts, scrap that boxed curricula (or at least be willing to throw the worksheets out the window 90% of the time), think about your purpose for learning, and learn more yourself.

I’m here if you ever need an ear.





13 thoughts on “My Gripe with Homeschoolers

  1. Great post! I have been so blessed to have done it all too. I had the kids in public school, alternative school, homeschool, lesson plans and structure, to no lesson plans at all.

    One thing I can say with certainty, trust in the process, have faith in self directed learning, go with what’s natural and flows effortlessly. Kids will learn, with or without teachers. The trick there is to try and encourage those learning sparks and simply direct them towards the resources they show an interest in.

    It’s a terrible thing to say isn’t it, that kids will learn just as well without teachers? What I mean is that rather then teachers having to force kids to sit down and absorb what is being taught, self directed kids will actually seek out teachers and beg to be taught so they can glean some information and knowledge. I remember when the kids were small and they would jump up and down all excited, “show me, teach me, I want to do it myself!” That’s the kind of excitement you want to see. Learning is fun.


    1. You’ve nailed it insanitybytes22! Children don’t need teachers as authorities telling them what to do; it’s all about being a guide. I still think teachers have a place, but their (“OUR”) place needs to be as SUPPORT-not center stage. I lived it for a few years in the classroom, but I think school systems aren’t prepared for “little rule followers” to take the reins themselves. It’s scares them to death! Change is scary, but can be oh, so exhilarating!

      Learning is becoming a bad word in schools. Just ask a traditionally schooled student what he “learned” and he’ll moan and groan. Ask a self-directed kid and he’s passionately excited! #BBLF (Bring back learning fun!)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this! I’m currently in college and I fully believe this. There is a huge difference between studying and learning, and I’m afraid a lot of school systems haven’t found that key component. It’s just hard to do sometimes in a class room setting. I went to Europe this past summer, and I learned more about it’s history than I did all throughout my several years of studying it in school. Same with studying astronomy and then watching the Cosmos in my free time. When there are so many students grouped together, it’s hard to help them all learn in the same way. I know that I, personally, do not learn in a typical classroom setting. I am much better at teaching myself and learning stuff hands on then listening to a teacher talk at me. I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time in the last 15 or so years re-teaching myself after school hours so that I could pass standardized tests. I learned a lot in public school, but I think that there is a lot of work to be done.


    1. I couldn’t wait to change the world; until I realized the world didn’t want to be changed, so I changed me. Actually, I evolved back into a person I never was allowed to be (except in secret). I’m SO excited that you got the chance to do learning your way. I hope to help other homeschoolers break out of that mold too through my business.

      Keep spreading the word, Kassie! There are still people out there who don’t even know what you do is possible and it’s the lifesaver they need!


      1. I definitely will. Also, have you seen Ken Robinson’s TED Talk “How Schools Kill Creativity”? You may find it interesting if you haven’t.


  3. As a fellow teacher/homeschooler, I completely relate to this. It’s so frustrating to spend one day among teachers who make unfair and uninformed comments about homeschoolers, and then spend the next with homeschoolers who make equally unfair and uninformed comments about teachers. Let’s all work for children and for a culture that values learning!

    And maybe this can be a forum to share ideas for new homeschoolers about how to avoid the trap of school-at-home instead of really homeschooling. I think so many homeschoolers would love making learning a natural part of their lives if they only knew how to get started (without feeling guilty that they weren’t “doing enough teaching.”)


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