Interesting; isn’t it? Somehow our lives never turn out the way we imagine, but instead we seem to manage to muddle through with “just enough”.
I recently took a break from my routine to visit family without my children. It was nothing like I imagined. I actually imagined lounging on the beach, reading, hitting restaurants and generally enjoying a throwback to my younger years. It was an eye opening experience, but that’s a blog post for another time. Instead, it was just enough to satisfy my yearning for independent time and just enough to be okay with the return trip.
I’m used to having children constantly around me and as someone who highly values her time in solitude, I’m often overwhelmed. Some days I don’t get enough time to truly read, decompress, work on my writing, or work towards my solo dreams. Those days I feel a little lost, like I’ve wandered off my path. The crazy thing is that although I can get overwhelmed with life at times, I somehow find my way back pretty easily. I find that I have just enough to push through to another day.
Since coming back home, I’ve put off the demand for routine sliding back into our schedule and chilling out with the structure we call homeschool. I’ve kept some elements, but again, just enough to keep it interesting and just enough to qualify as getting work done. My son seems to be following my lead. He’s doing just enough to keep me at bay knowing that I’m ignoring the usual regimen and stronger work ethic that comes with a typical day. Instead, I’m easing back in knowing that fall break will be here soon and our days will slow again.
The onset of fall has left me unsettled. I wish I could say I love all of the seasons, but summer always leaves me longing for more. I guess that’s one area of my life where I don’t get just enough; though without seasonal changes, I think I’d take the hot summer days for granted and I never want to do that. So, in that way, each season seems to give me just enough of what I need to cherish those moments and move on.
Gratitude is a big part of my life these days. I went from a high powered career as the breadwinner to someone who works just as much and makes very little. Comparing myself to more “successful” people can sometimes be disheartening, but there’s always something in the back of my mind reminding me that I’m “just enough”. I have just enough money, time, attention for my family, solitude, and now gratitude for life.
I don’t have it all.
Instead, I have just enough.